Author: EveryDayaHollyDay

     If you look up the word void, the simplest definition will say something to the extent of “filling an empty space.”  When he told me that he felt as though I was using him to fill a void, I didn’t quite know how to take it.  The he in this instance was a guy I had been dating for a short time.  Having already known each other, we had dove in pretty fast by most accounts.  The “I love you’s” were flying, and talks of the future had already filled the air.  The void conversation arose after a big fallout in which he admitted that I just expected too much of him. He didn’t understand why it was so important for me to include other people in things.  “Other people” being my family and my friends.  The “things” being events and holiday parties.  Things that to me seemed something normal to share with someone you loved or cared about.  Things that seemed normal of an adult relationship.  Things that have continued to be tumbling bricks in future relationships.

     To give you a brief history in relation to this idea, I’m in my early thirties, and have only twice  in my life had a significant other significant enough  to celebrate the holidays or any sort of big occasion with.  I’m more of a “test the waters” for a few months, and if it’s not going to work, it’s not going to work. Why waste either of our time?  I’m looking for a forever, not a sometimes.  In my late 20’s I had a serious boyfriend who I celebrated two turkey days and two Christmas’s with.  He was a good guy, just not “the guy.”  His name is still on one of our family Christmas ornaments (thanks Mom!)   After the ornament guy, and the one of current conversation, there came the next Mr. Significant, the guy that I just knew was “the one,” and have still held on to quite significantly in some ways over the last year (but that’s another story for another day.)   Back to where we started with fall out boy. 

     The idea that I needed to fill a void was almost insulting to me.  I wasn’t empty or without in my life when it came to happiness, or support, or love.  I had that all around me.  I was used to being the single girl at the party.  But, as my twin sister put it, “We are all looking to fill a void.  That’s what any relationship is.”  The more I wrapped my head around that, the more I figured the theory to be true.  Obviously when we start a relationship, there is something that was lacking there to begin with.  Not necessarily that I was empty, but, rather that I wanted someone to share the space with, so to speak.  But here’s the thing that it took me awhile to understand, if the person you want to spend your time, your efforts, your life with, only sees themselves as a “void filler,” then you need to let them go.  If that empty space you are filling still feels empty through the hard times, they are not the filling you are missing.  Your space needs the walls that help hold you together, not the decorations that you want to change every couple years.  If they are the pretty painting that smudges and runs when things get too heated, they are not your filling or your foundation.

     The hardest thing sometimes is accepting that bad filling is just that, bad filling. Sometimes in desperation I find myself getting lost in just finding something that I overlook or dismiss the bad taste it leaves.  When you start looking at everyone else’s spaces from the outside, it  seems so much more filled in than yours.  You start to question why your house is empty and they’ve got the swing set and pool in the backyard.  The statements, “Your time is coming,” “Timing is everything,” “Be patient,” start to taste just as bitter as the bad filling.  And you just get downright sick of it. You’re done. You cry to God.

     And I cried to God.  And I cried, and cried, and cried.  

     And then, I felt ashamed, because, although I’m a Christian, and a believer, I hadn’t talked to God in any fashion that much in a long time.  Some guy had to “break my heart” in order for me to run to Him? It hit me that I had been neglecting my one true filler while trying to fill a void in my life.  My house may lack the swing set and the pool, but, the firm foundation has always been there.  

Maybe filling the void isn’t searching for a man.  It’s searching and reconnecting with THE man. 

     I’m not saying that it’s not important to have relationships.  My ultimate goal in life is to be a wife and a mother.  But, if on the road to becoming these things we have to take the path that isn’t lit, that doesn’t keep Him close beside us, then it’s not the right road. Not the right person. Not the right choice. And we always have a choice. I’ve had a shadow box hanging on my bedroom wall for years.  Inside, covered with floral and sparkles, are the words from one of my favorite songs; and perfectly fitting to what I expect in a future husband:

“A man of his word

Man who loves God

Someone who knows love can’t be bought.”

     The guy I introduced you to in the opening  was none of those things.  I already knew from our history that he was not a man of his word. But, maybe he had changed, I told myself.  I prayed to God often over those years when we had disconnected from each other to give me some form of closure. And then He sent him back.  So, surely he had changed, right?  Clearly, he was like an angel sent down from God himself.  He was ready now.  Five years changes a person, right?  Wrong.  I’m not saying a person cannot change, and many do.  But, let me tell you, it has to be a choice they make on their own.  You cannot force a person to change; it turns into resentment, and the perfect grenade for arguments down the road.  And, although his arms were decorated with biblical tattoos, I never really knew if he truly was a man of God.  We never discussed it.  I often told him that he was included in my prayers, but, it was never much further than that.  I’m not saying he wasn’t a man of God, but, by my definition, if I had to question it, he probably wasn’t MY man of God.  

     Unfortunately, if we allow it, desperation can become a blinding tool.  I was so caught up in trying to catch up with everyone else.  Trying to jump start that wife and mom stuff, that I started overlooking the bitter tastes.  If I was fed something that tasted ugly, or stung bad, I covered it up with a little sugar, and all was well.  And the sugar I’m talking about was nothing but a pretty way of saying that I covered it with excuses.

     And again, I cried, and cried, and cried to God.  I begged Him to just make this guy come around. Make him want to stay.  Make him be THE guy. Maybe with enough sugar, it could be bearable, right?  I questioned and argued with Him through the tears every night.  Why would you send him back?  Why would you put me through this again? And then it was clear.

     Closure.

     Not the closure I expected when I said those prayers, but, the closure He knew I needed.  The closure it took to close the door off completely.  This guy walked away again because God intended him to, He intended to remove him for good. And though I was hurting, it was for my protection.

     Take note, I wish no ill upon him.  I’m thankful for cherished moments, and lots of laughter.  But, he is a closed door.  He’s the painting that runs with the heat.

 

     So what now?  I found myself at another stand still moment.  I felt discouraged again, like my time was never coming.   Like I was stuck. 

     I heard this sermon recently about how often it is that we focus on the problem rather than the promise.   I was asked, do you trust God in everything?  No matter how big or how small?   We can’t half trust God.  It’s not a sometimes thing.   Why am I constantly searching and expecting a forever relationship with a man on this earth if I cannot commit to fully trusting God in all of my situations.  To giving him a forever and always rather than a sometimes when it’s convenient for me?  How can I expect the sweet, sweet taste of a fulfilled life if I’m not allowing it to be fed on a constant basis?

Psalm 34:8 states, “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”

     “Blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”  Not blessed is the one who takes refuge in him when times are tough and you’ve tried out every other option.  Up to this point it was as if I was only choosing to eat from the Jesus buffet when all the other tables were empty.  I was letting him be the medicine to fix me when the tough and bitter made me sick.  He had become my back up rather than my go-to.  And I was starting to feel the effect.  

     There comes a time when you have to really stand back and take a look at the common denominator in the problems in your life. When you look up only to see your reflection, it’s a painful sight to see.  That’s where I was standing, face to face with myself.  A me that felt much heavier from all the weight I had added on by taking in the constant splash of sugar added to every bad situation.  I was feeding myself the lie of the enemy on a daily basis.  My daily intake of “you don’t deserve better,” “he will change,” “this is the best you can do,” “what if the things you want never happen,” had become my everyday meals.  And I was a pitiful sight. 

     I was pitiful, but still alive and still breathing.  It was time for me to get to know the girl in the mirror again….

Times are strange right now, for lack of better description.  As our world begins to pick up pace again, we are preparing ourselves for an introduction of new normalcy.  It’s both scary and  inviting, this transition.  It’s fair to assume that this lengthy isolation has welcomed both good and bad changes into many of our homes.  

For many of us, this has served as a time of self discovery, of rest, extra time with family, redevelopment of our prayer lives, refocus on taking care of our bodies, connecting more with our spouses and  friends we have lost touch with in the swiftness of our regular lives, and the discovery that somewhere deep down, we all have  a little bit of barista in us.   But, for others, this time has presented room for fear and stress to take over.  Those suffering with anxiety, depression, or mental disorders may have found it hard to allow this time as a relaxation or development period.  Rather, fighting a constant battle with themselves about how exactly they are supposed to react and feel.  This time has heightened loneliness for those of us without close family or significant others, and probably assisted in one too many dating site swipes, or texts to the ex.  

Families have lost loved ones, many without the chance to say goodbye, because of the strict regulations having to be set in hospitals, for our safety.

Parents are questioning whether to share their need for a break from their kids, for fear of the pain it might cause those who have yet to experience the blessing of babies, and who might be yearning for the cries and messes that fill your days. 

Essential workers are exhausted, continuing to work beyond normal hours, separating themselves from their families for the sake of keeping us all safe.  Non-essential workers are struggling to cope with the fact that they can’t do their jobs right now. Many have dancing thoughts continuously questioning if their business will even be able to reopen or survive. Others  have been hit with the total loss of their jobs and livelihood. 

This week has marked the process of reopening many businesses. Some of us are yearning to sit down at our favorite restaurant, to sink our teeth into deliciousness made by someone other than ourselves.  To sip our morning coffee with a close friend across the table at our favorite coffee spot.  To get our hair done, worship inside our church building, hit the gym, or watch a movie on the big screen.   On the flip side, some of us do not agree, and plan to wait another several months before even considering the idea.  We plan to stay home, and continue in the processes mentioned above until we feel comfortable to step outside, wondering if we will feel safe again any time soon.

What I’m troubled by with all of this, is the way we will all treat each other as we make this shift.  I fear that some of us might forget to practice humility.  To be patient with each other.  That we might open up a whole new level of hate, and of judgement.   That we might lose friends, and create enemies, while pushing aside a lack of understanding.  

I find myself surrounded by friends from many walks of life, even before this pandemic, but, throughout it as well.  I know people who are living through all the things mentioned above, handling this time in each of those scenarios.  But, what I have found in myself is a great bit of compassion.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of judgey days, in which for a moment, I lose that disposition, and I have to step back to find it.  At the end of the day though, it’s all I hope to find in all of us, that compassion, and understanding.  In those moments that we feel filled with anger at how others may be reacting, I hope we can step outside of our box, and look in theirs for a moment, that even in disagreement, we might find a bit of consideration, that we might question why this scenario might be better for that person.  That we might be modest in our judgement. 

What I pray for the most is that practice of kindness.   I was never the most popular, nor the least.  Some days I joined the table of misfits, other days the table of those most well known, but regardless of who was seated around me, I always believed it was cool to be kind.   I hope we might all live by that motto during this trying time.

“The physical toll in addition to the emotional toll of losing patients to this virus has really amplified my anxiety for me. ​I have a really difficult time separating my home life from work life at this point and am learning different ways to try to cope using different outlets. I miss my dad. I used to stop by his house on Friday and visit and catch up.  ​I can’t see anyone now because I’m more likely to be contaminated with COVID so I just go to work and home now which is really tough emotionally.”  expresses Courtney Pitre, Pharmacist and Owner of Courtneys Thriftyway Pharmacy of Arnaudville.

Pitre states that her normal daily duties of checking and filling prescriptions, counseling patients, bookkeeping, insurance contract maintenance, and management of employees has remained the same, but with a heavy load of extra additions.  “Now I  run a curbside service at my pharmacy in order to increase patient safety and reduce the likelihood of my staff catching COVID-19. ​I run in and out all day bringing prescriptions to and from vehicles so that patients will remain in the vehicle and reduce contamination potential. I’m averaging 8 miles a day of running back and forth to cars all day.​ For the last 2 weeks, I have worked 16 hour days as opposed to my usual 10 hour days.  It is utterly exhausting.”

Somewhere in the middle of those 16 hour days, Courtney manages to find time to keep her non-profit, Le Bon Voisin (“The Good Neighbor”)   not only alive, but thriving during the pandemic by bottling and supplying hand sanitizer to essential workers throughout the community. “Le Bon Voisin has also been hard at work bottling and giving out hand sanitizer to essential workers.  We just completed this project after bottling 1,300 gallons. ​Next, we plan to distribute more food and assistance to those affected financially in the community.​”

Similar to many of us, Pitre has noticed an unwelcome change in her  mental and physical health, struggling in many ways to just feel normal.  “It has taken a huge toll on me personally.  The things I have used in the past to keep me balanced are no longer available to me, and I am working a lot more now.  ​This is causing a lot of problems with my depression and anxiety. I bought a converted Sprinter van in January and had several trips lined up this month to balance out my already crazy work life.​ I played on 2 travel hockey teams and had trained an entire year for our National Tournament in Minnesota at the beginning of April.  It was so hard to have all of that canceled right before our competition.​ So now, instead of working out, playing hockey, or traveling, I am staying at work super late and then going straight to bed.​”

Trying to find the light in the midst of all the darkness, Courtney has taken up some old hobbies to relieve a little stress at the end of her days, and is already dreaming up plans for future adventures. “I used to play mandolin for fun many years ago.  I decided last weekend to start playing again.  It’s really nice to zone out and play songs again. ​I also just ordered a bicycle to use to still get outdoors a bit but maintain social distancing. Once things calm down, I’m going to pack up my van and take a trip anywhere I can and for as long as I can afford to.”​

She keeps her advice to us simple…

“Please stay home as much as possible, wash your hands, and don’t touch your face.  ​If you go anywhere, please be patient with the essential workers still working. They are tired and super stressed out.​”

If you would like to help out Courtney and her community with a monetary donation, click here: Le Bon Voisin Donation. 

Thank you for your dedication, Courtney, it does not go unnoticed!

“Saying “We can get through this!” is going to wear thin in the second month and it’s going to make you feel frustrated not only with the situation at hand, but with yourself as your optimism wanes. But saying “We can get through this, but it may not be quick and it’s not going to be easy, but we will get through it all the same,” doesn’t leave as much room for frustration, by adding in that realism, you add in the human element allowing for the stumbles and the bad days while still holding out hope.”  suggests Chelsea Hawk, Administrative Assistant to the Chief Medical Officer and Medical Staff Office at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital in St. Louis, MO. 

Hawk, whose normal office duties include supporting the CMO by means of managing his calendar and projects, creating documents, and making sure his day to day tasks run smoothly, has, like many of us,  seen a significant change in her daily routine since the COVID-19 pandemic. “Similar to everyone else, my life was completely turned upside down.  I was first tasked with different odd jobs to assist the Incident Command, then I was officially placed on the team to help stand up our Telehealth program, a way for our providers to virtually visit their patients. We set up a system of nearly 400 providers across over 100 clinics in 7 days!”   Four days into the program, she found herself not only as a team member, but as the project lead, in addition to being in charge of distribution of protective gear and  alternative housing keys for providers who are unable to return home to their families during this time. The additional tasks have led to an extra 10-20 hours weekly, leaving little room for much more than a meal and sleep at home. “I am a sensory kid, so by the time I get home I am so overstimulated that I can barely do more than stare at the walls until I go to sleep. That being said, I am typically an avid reader and writer, but at the moment can’t find the energy or focus to do much of either. However, I have found that working on a jigsaw puzzle in the evenings helps me decompress. ” 

No different than the rest of us, Chelsea has also seen a change in social interaction and relationships with family and friends.  Fortunate to work alongside her mother at the hospital, she has been able to keep a relatively normal connection there, and manages to keep up with her siblings via social media and text messaging.   When it comes to friendships, she encourages us all to reach out, and check in as often as we can. “What I’ve taken to doing on Saturday or Sunday mornings is finding five people in my phone and reaching out to them, with a simple message of “Are you doing ok? Anything you need?” This helps me keep in touch with my friends, both ones I speak to frequently and others I don’t check in as much as I probably should. Plus I like to think it reminds people that they are not alone in this period of isolation.” 

A few insights Hawk has for us include the basics such as handwashing and proper safety precautions, educating ourselves with reliable sources, and being understanding of our healthcare workers.   “My advice to you at home is first and foremost not to wear gloves. That only increases the risk of cross contamination. The best thing you can do is wash your hands. Secondly, don’t share articles or links that are not from a reputable source or have not been fact checked. Only share things that you would be comfortable using as a source on a school paper. Lastly, be gentle with your health care workers. We are exhausted and coming home to see the news we have been living all day makes our hearts hurt. While we feel for everyone like us, out there fighting the good fight, we need a place to escape it. Please don’t pepper us with a million questions about COVID-19. We will likely share anything we’ve learned that’s important on our own.”

Despite the dark shadows this pandemic may bring, Chelsea has tried to see the rainbows through the rain, and has found silver lining in humanity itself.  “As we started social distancing, we’ve started doing video meetings and it’s so wonderful to see physicians and executives sitting in their homes, in their comfortable clothes, shooing away kids and pets reminding us that there is still life out there, that just because we are not allowed to be together or functioning as normal, we are not alone and the world has not ceased to exist. Furthermore, everyone wants to talk. I have had people that I have worked with for years but never really spoken to come into my office and strike up lengthy conversations about everything under the sun. I have cajoled a few of them into telling me jokes and I have told a few jokes myself. You can tell everyone is craving some kind of a connection and I am glad I have the opportunity to facilitate that.” 

Hawk wants to remind us the importance of remaining optimistic and hopeful, while also keeping ourselves educated and informed.  “On my desk at work, I have a post-it note that says “‘Confront the brutal truth of the situation, yet at the same time, never give up hope,’ provides the context for examining the complexity of your reality while preserving your vision for what is possible.” That’s a paraphrasing of the “Stockdale Paradox” (look that up!). It basically means that you should temper your optimism with realism. And honestly, I think that is the key to coming out of this thing in one piece.”

 

Cardinal Glennon ( as well as hospitals in your area) could also benefit from mask donations, and pump hand sanitizer bottles.  It has proven to be easier to get bulk bottles, but they are in desperate need of bottles to put it in. 

If you would like to aid Chelsea and her team at Cardinal Glennon with a monetary donation, follow this link to their Urgent Response Fund. 

 

Thank you Chelsea for your hard work and dedication! 

“I wasn’t more talented or driven than anyone else, but I was probably the only one who had the courage to go apply for the job even though I didn’t know WHAT I was doing! My takeaway is that…you HAVE to be flexible and you never have to settle. Yes, you can pursue a lifelong dream and never give up on it and achieve it and die happy and that’s wonderful, but if you don’t like the hand you’ve been dealt, you have the option of shuffling the deck! And I’ve shuffled it many times. Sometimes I’ve had a couple of crappy hands, but many times I’ve gotten a royal flush.”   says Sunny Leigh, a voice we’ve long recognized as a local Tulsa radio personality, but now, as one of the  smiling faces greeting us each morning on KTUL’s, Good Morning Oklahoma. 

“Shuffling the deck” has landed Leigh jobs in a variety of positions, including helping injured dolphins, whales, and sea turtles at a marine aquarium and teaching 7th grade science, before finally settling in her niche’ with media.   Her dedication to radio was apparent among many of Sunny’s listeners and peers, and led to a 2013 ACM “Best Personalities” Award with her morning show partners at the time, a moment she recognizes as one of her proudest.  “It’s a bit like winning an Oscar or a Grammy for those of us in radio. It’s voted upon by peers, by artists, by record label folks, so you’re being told by others in your field that you are outstanding at your job.”  

Her bubbly, relatable personality put Sunny on the red carpet more than just that one time.  She recalls KTUL sending her to report from the Academy Awards for the first time with a laugh, “The first year was legendary because I got KICKED OFF THE RED CARPET when a security guard thought I was taking pictures of celebrities when I was in fact, using my cellphone to check my lipstick! For some strange reason, KTUL thought it was hysterical and sent me back 2 more years in a row. I talked my way into parties at the Roosevelt Hotel, the Beverly Hills Hotel, and a slew of afterparties. It was a blast!”

After being unexpectedly let go by KVOO, Leigh felt fortunate to have already formed that bond with KTUL.  “I had done some freelance work for KTUL and the news director called me just a couple of days after my firing hit social media to ask if I would come aboard  full-time as an anchor and reporter and I jumped at the opportunity! I haven’t regretted a single second of that decision.”

Not to give up radio altogether, Sunny has recently found herself as a weekend personality with 106.1 The Twister.  (Yes, I did ask her if she ever sleeps, she admits there is a lack of Zzz’s.)

 “After nearly 15 years at KVOO, I was good friends with MANY artists and many of the record label folks who represent those artists. In radio, you always have an “in” because the artists want their songs played on the radio and will often agree to interviews, fun bits, and sit-down stories in exchange for air play. When I left radio, I lost that connection immediately. So when the good folks at The Twister approached me to ask if I wanted to work just 1 shift per week in exchange of having those connections once again, I jumped at the chance! My Saturday night show is all about new, up-and-coming artists and new songs, so the access to record labels and opportunities with singers is back in full play now. Plus, it’s so fun!! Country music is a passion for me, so my passion is also my job, and that’s a wonderful thing.”

 

When asked about women who have inspired her throughout her journey, she  says that outside of her mother and grandmothers, one radio and television personality stands out.  “  “Her name is Nancy Alexander. She worked in both radio and television in Tampa Bay, and she was hysterical! She had a top-rated morning radio show, was never afraid to make fun of herself, and was later asked to do funny, fluff-pieces for television. She had a quick wit, a wicked sense of humor, and didn’t really care who she made fun of even if it was herself. She was also great at being “vulnerable” on-air, which is an artform in itself. You always want to be “real” with your audience because they can tell when you’re fake.”

Sunny Leigh has done her best to stick true to that realness, and when asked what advice she has for the rest of us, she keeps it simple, stating, “always be kind.” She borrows the lyrics, ‘peeing in my yard ain’t gonna make yours any greener’ from country singer Kacey Musgraves to further develop the thought;  It’s a bit vulgar, yes, but it’s also true. You never make a gain in life by being mean to another person.” 

 
Though there is always a chance for another deck shuffle, Leigh cannot imagine what else the future might hold, simply stating, “I’m living a dream right now getting to work for KTUL and then do radio on the side. I get paid to do stories about things I am interested in, things I love, and stories about life and the “good” in people. And I get to play good country music one night a week as a bonus perk. I can’t imagine doing something that I would love any more than I love this.”

To keep up with Sunny Leigh, follow the links below.

Sunny Leigh Facebook

Sunny Leigh Instagram 

Sunny Leigh Twitter 

Keep on shining, and bringing a smile to all of our faces, sister!  I’m cheering for you!

**All photos courtesy of Sunny Leigh/Sunny’s Social Media**

 “While most of us are not robotics engineers with the ability to build our own perfect partners , Kelly’s story is basically an outsized version of what a lot of people deal with in the modern dating world.”   says Sarah Archer, author of The Plus One,  a romantic comedy with a robotic twist. Archer continues by saying that often times in today’s society, technology can take away the spontaneity and fun of getting to know future partners, rather giving us the option to shop for exactly what we want. 

“It can take the human element out of the equation, reducing people to the characteristics in their bios, and encouraging us to target what we think we want rather than being open to what life has to offer. So while Kelly’s story has a sci-fi element to it, at its heart, it’s a romantic comedy that hopefully is relatable to a lot of people.”

Though Sarah admits that the robot boyfriend idea is pretty far from her own experience, she notes that much like her  protagonist is able to create the perfect mate, those in the online dating world essentially have the option to do the same. “Dating sites and apps have given people the ability to essentially “shop” for a mate, choosing what they want from an array of options that would have been unthinkable ten to twenty years ago.” 

Beyond  The Plus One, Archer has found an array of success in various writing and media outlets, including publications in a variety of literary magazines, and writing projects in film and television.

“I’ve dabbled in different sorts of creative writing for almost as long as I can remember, but when I moved to LA at the end of college to work in television, I turned my attention primarily to screenwriting. After moving out of LA for my husband’s schooling, I finally had the time to try something I’d wanted to do for ages: writing a novel. That’s how The Plus One came about, and now I’m hooked on the novel form! It allows you to dig into the characters and story in a way that nothing else quite does. However, I hope I’ll always be able to move between different media as a writer. Some ideas live best as a short story, some as a poem, some as a film, so it’s wonderful to be able to follow where the story leads.”

When asked of strong females in her life, Archer says she  is thankful to have always had the support of her mother and grandmother, who are successful and inspiring in their own right.  She also notes that much of her inspiration is derived from some ladies we may be familiar with…

“ I find inspiration and encouragement in women making waves in our society. J.K. Rowling is an idol of mine, both for her writing talent and the foresight and generosity with which she’s used her position to help others. And currently, a woman from history is a major source of inspiration to me: Harriet Jacobs, about whom I’m writing a screenplay. She escaped slavery in 19th century North Carolina, after spending seven years hiding alone in a tiny garret, then went on to become a prominent author and abolitionist. As I’ve gotten to know her through my research, I’ve been amazed at her strength and compassion, even in the face of dire circumstances. It definitely puts my own struggles in perspective!”

When asked what advice she has for young women looking to succeed in their future careers, Sarah noted the importance of never being afraid to ask for help.  “Reach out to people you admire and ask if you can do an informational interview to learn about how they achieved success. Ask for introductions to people you want to meet. The worst that can happen is someone says no.  Looking back at my career thus far, many of my regrets involve opportunities that I didn’t take because I didn’t want to bother someone or ask for a favor.”

Archer leans on a favorite scripture from Matthew as a reminder to look at the bigger picture, and consider the impact you will leave on the world once you are gone; “store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6: 20-21)

Adding, “The things you should spend most of your life focusing on are those that will outlast your life. What work can you do that will change the world for the better even after you’re gone? How are you impacting the lives of those around you? With all the noise and hubbub of modern existence, it’s important to center yourself on what really counts.”

In addition to screenwriting projects, Sarah is currently working on novel number two, another romantic comedy, this time to do with pets, her own little guy, William the pug has acted as a muse.  

For those in North Carolina, Sarah will be speaking at Uwharrie Vineyards in Albemarle on March 7th at 2 PM in an event sponsored by the Friends of the Stanly County Public Library. 

Continue to follow Sarah Archer and her future endeavors by following the links below.

Sarah Archer Writes Website

Sarah Archer Instagram

Sarah Archer Facebook

Keep writing, sister, I’m reading and cheering you on!

I’m here to say, I love Jesus, and I love country music.   Brad Paisley painted a pretty decent picture of me with the lyrics, “She’s a Saturday on the town, and a church girl on Sunday…”   But, it’s always been such a fine line to walk when it comes to being a “good Christian” and having a good time. It’s the idea that we have to hide the beer in our hand so the people we go to church with don’t find out.  But, is it that we are hiding it because we feel it’s wrong, or are we hiding it for fear of judgement? When really, both could be considered equal sin. It’s hard to say, and I could sit at either side of the table, but, at the end of the day, I’m not going to quote scripture to prove either wrong.  

Last night, my attention was again sparked to these thoughts while seeing Jo Dee Messina perform as part of Track 5’s one year celebration at the Hard Rock Casino. Most of us know JDM for her popular hits like, “Heads Carolina, Tails California,” “Bye, Bye,” and “I’m Alright,” amongst a variety of other sassy, “strong female lead” type tunes.  But, last night, she brought a special guest to the table, one that maybe many weren’t expecting…Jesus. Towards the end of her set, Messina began to speak of her own struggles, addictions, and a bout with cancer, mentioning that her mother was now battling the disease.  That she was lost, and the only thing keeping her afloat was her relationship with God. Following a short speech she broke into a version of Plumb’s “Need You Now (How Many Times)” the crowd fell silent briefly, but began to embrace the message. However, it was in the next moment as Jo Dee sat at the keyboard and began playing Cory Asbury’s “Reckless Love” that something truly magical, truly spiritual happened.  Roars from the crowd, hands and voices lifted up, praising God…in the middle of a bar in Catoosa, Oklahoma. I can’t speak for the other hundreds there, but I can testify that I felt the Holy Spirit in that room. I felt a group of music lovers unite, and embrace, and glorify God. It was a country music concert on a Thursday night that brought us together, but, in that room, we knew that something more, something greater, connected us.  

There was no backlash, or boos present…and that is where acceptance should be found. Maybe that bar isn’t where you’d expect to find the love of God, but isn’t it time we remember that it can be found anywhere?   I just stewed on the thought all night, the thought that many of those people probably don’t have a home church because they don’t feel accepted. Because they are criticized for having a beer on Saturday night and going to church on Sunday morning.  I so often hear, “we welcome everyone, invite all your friends…” but then there is this judgement that they aren’t “the right kind of Christian.” And that turns people away. I’m not saying we have to agree, or encourage, or say we are all for it. But, what I am saying, is maybe we shouldn’t turn our heads at the ones that aren’t the same kind of Christians as us.  

A testimony can be given anywhere, and God bless Jo Dee Messina for standing up in front of a crowd and saying, “this probably isn’t what you expected to hear tonight, but, in this profession so many times we are glorified, and if I can only leave you with one thing, it is this, that the person to be glorified is God…”    I’m so proud of her!  

Let’s all do better. 

Anxiety.  It’s one of those odd topics that seems to be a hit or miss scenario in our society.  It’s either “hush, hush” or “scream it from the rooftops.” My social media news feed is flooded with little quotes, scripture, lyrics, one-liners, and news stories about the disorder.  Often times these things piggy back the idea that your anxiety does not define you. The idea that the black and gray pieces of discomfort, stress, apprehension, fear, or over analyzing somehow do not mesh with the colorful pieces of happiness, joy, and  contentment, to ultimately complete the puzzle that is your whole self. I don’t know about you, but when I’m putting together a puzzle, I live for that moment of completion, that moment I can connect the final pieces and dance a jig at my accomplishment.  We dread those times that we get to those last few pieces, only to notice they are missing from the box, and we stare at the picture, and despite the 997 pieces we put together, all we notice are the pieces that are missing. That’s how I feel when I start trying to hide my anxiety, or pretend that in some fashion it does not define me, or that it is not a piece of my puzzle.  I look at myself and all I see are the missing pieces, the pieces I don’t want anyone else to find. And I feel incomplete.  

Despite the fact that when sorting this all out, I can almost convince myself that I would, in fact, be just fine if I holed myself up and lived a life of seclusion, I know deep down that the hermit life is not for me.   I’m actually pretty fun once you get to the colorful pieces, but the black and gray are part of me too. This makes connecting with new people as an adult such a chore. Let me introduce you to one of my anxieties characteristics to further this…

“The feeling that even my closest friends don’t like me.” 

That’s right.  A great majority of the time, this over analyzing feature inside me can come up with 100 reasons in a matter of minutes of why my friends are probably tired of me. I talk too much.  I forget my filter. My friendliness comes off as flirtiness. I don’t have the right job. I post too many selfies. I make every situation awkward. I talk too much about myself. I don’t check in on them enough.  Yada, yada. You get the idea. So, there are times I go weeks or months without talking to my friends, because I don’t want to bother them. I send a text and don’t get a response, (or let’s be real, I get a response with the wrong punctuation, because that’s how far I take it,) and I think, “that’s it, they hate me.”  I just stop the interaction. I find myself saying things like, “Okay, well, I just wanted to check in….” or “I’ll let you be….” because I just feel like a total bother. Guys, I’m like this with my twin sister sometimes…and we shared a womb, we’ve literally been best friends since before birth, but my anxiety convinces me that even she is tired of me.  

My anxiety defines my friendships.  It does. Did you read the previous paragraph?  IT DOES. I have to find the crowd that not only “gets it,” but can handle it.   The ones that reply to those passive aggressive messages with encouraging, “you’re not a bother” responses.  But, until I introduce my anxieties to people, I go back and forth in this pattern of people not liking me, and the idea that it’d be easier to just be alone.

And, should I even try to talk about romantic relationships?  The husband search? I just finished this book about a girl who literally built herself a robotic boyfriend because the pressures from everyone around her were too much.   As crazy as that seems, part of me was like, “that could work.” (I kid, I kid.) I’ve been swimming in the trashy, muggy waters that is the dating pond for a solid 10 years now.   It’s got to be too much for anyone with normal wiring, but me…good grief, Charlie Brown. It’s awful. The communication, the expectations. It’s too much. The bad thing is, though the muggy waters comment may steer you astray, I’m actually pretty optimistic at the initial first line thrown in to start a new connection.  To start “talking” to the next fish, or whatever we’re supposed to call it these days. But then, WHAM! The fishing line gets stuck in the tree and suddenly, “it’s not you, it’s me.” And anxiety is like, “knock, knock, me again…” Let me introduce you to another characteristic…

“The feeling that it actually is always ME.” 

When that just a step above the “ghosting” one-liner comes out, “it’s not you, it’s me,” every inch of me hears, “YOU MESSED UP AGAIN.”     Questions arise, I all but get out a notebook and start recalling every conversation, every move, every date, every text. And, what about the things we aren’t supposed to talk about?   Like kids, marriage, finances. I’m 32 years old people, if you ask me what I see in my future, I’m going to say, “marriage, babies, stability.” But, that is the wrong answer? I’ve actually had people say, “you scared me with talk about marriage and babies.”   So, what am I supposed to say? My anxiety says, just lie. Maybe say something like, “yeah, that’s not really that important, I can wait another 10 years…” Then I’m in a predicament, and in the past, a relationship with men who think I don’t care anything about marriage or kids or comfort. So, I live in a relationship of lies and darkness, because it was easier just to be who they are looking for than who I am.

My anxiety defines my romantic relationships.  It does. Again, if I choose to remove the black and gray pieces from the box before I start a new relationship, showing only the color, the puzzle will never be complete.   There will be a constant push and pull of just trying to squeeze the bright pieces together to cover up the hole. And it will be misery.  

There are at least another dozen characteristics of my anxiety that I could share with you today that aid in defining me , but the rise in my blood pressure tells me that I’ve said enough for one post, and if I keep going, you’ll probably stop reading. (See?)

But, I’ve rambled on simply to say that yes, I do believe that my anxiety defines me.  As a whole? Of course not. But just as a puzzle cannot be complete without all the pieces, nor am I complete without full disclosure of my anxiety.  I can choose to hide it, or I can choose to be open, and that choice can ultimately determine the outcome of future friendships, and relationships. Often times we are so scared to show our whole self, to present the whole puzzle.  We think it’s better to hide the pieces, and feel incomplete, than to just say, “hey, I’m Happy Holly, but, sometimes, a big, gray rain cloud hovers above me, are you willing to hold my umbrella?”

The right people won’t hesitate with their answer.

“It’s  hard to stand out in such a heavily saturated industry… everyone seems to know at least five Realtors. So I have to “Be Bold!” to prove my worth daily.”   expresses Jessica Wilbourn, who, if you are native to the Claremore/Tulsa area you may recognize as the smiling face of The Wilbourn Group of Coldwell Banker Select. 

Though being bold and comfortable in her own skin doesn’t always come easily for Jessica, it’s ultimately that nurturing, “do anything for those you care for”  attitude that makes her a top notch Realtor.   

Every step of the way Wilbourn treats clients as if they were her own family, considering their comfort along the way.  “I try to bring some humor to each day for my clients, and carry as much stress for them on my shoulders as I possibly can. I walk them through each step of the process as we go through our journey so they feel empowered and educated to make the best decisions that they can.”

Jessica is a third generation Realtor, and credits her mom as her biggest cheerleader.   “She’s knows exactly what I’m going through on a daily basis so she’s always a great ear to bend when I need it. This is by far the most stressful job I’ve ever had, to be honest. People are stressed to the max and there are so many variables that are simply out of my control, so having so much support around me is such a blessing.  I’m also blessed with amazing girlfriends that are always there for me with a glass of wine and a brownie when I need it!”

Behind the scenes support from loved ones is often the encouragement we need, but Wilbourn also wants us to remember the value in ourselves. Three words came to mind when asked what advice she might give to women aspiring to chase their goals…

“Know your worth!” 

She continues with, “Know what you have to offer to others then dig deep and go for it! There are always times when we question ourselves. Am I working too much? Am I making enough money? Do people appreciate me at all? How am I going to do it all and do it well? Is this shirt clean?  But as long as we are healthy, happy and feeling fulfilled, I think that’s the most important thing.”

When she’s not showing, finding, or selling houses for clients, Wilbourn lives out those words of a fulfilled life by spending time with her family, and  utilizing many outlets to give back to her community. “Music, kids and animals are the basic heartbeat of my life with my hubby. So I serve on the board for Musicians Haven of Claremore and I love singing in our church choir. I’m also a Partner in Ed for Justus Tiawah Schools and my family has always rescued animals and we donate to local animal rescues as much as we can (since we can’t take all of the animals home!) I also serve on the Claremore Collective Executive Committee. We help with several different projects and themes in our community, but it’s basically a young professionals organization that works to promote growth and success in our community.” 

 

To get in touch with Jessica Wilbourn and the The Wilbourn group, follow the links below.

The Wilbourn Group

The Wilbourn Group Facebook

Keep selling, smiling, and shining!  I’m rooting for you!