Introduction to Breaking the Rejecter Mentality
Late nights are probably when you will find me in my true, real, most genuine form. My hair is piled in a wet, curly mess atop my head, put there not with a brush, but a quick one run through of my fingers, full of the little bumpies and loop-di-loos. My eyes are tired, and my lips are still stained with cracks of this mornings lipstick. But, I am completely unbothered by it, here in my “me space.”
This is the time that most of my thinking takes place, in complete quiet, with no chaos of the world around me. This is the time when I can just be completely me; unfortunately, sometimes completely me is a dramatic overthinker. Tonight is one of those nights. And here I am, stewing up an unnecessary mess in my head.
I refer to myself as a Rejecter when it comes to relationships. Now, this isn’t something I’m proud of, it’s something I’m working towards getting out of every day. And, if this is you too, please follow heed. A rejecter is someone who refuses to accept, believe, or take something in. I want you to know that my life is full of great relationships. People who really make the effort to let it be known that they value me. I’ve been blessed with great family and friends, all who are above average. I’m serious, just remarkable people. Yet, I sit here feeling like I am less than, like, if I were them I would just turn around and walk out the door, why would they want to waste their time on damaged goods?
“If I were them I would just turn around and walk out the door, why would they want to waste their time on damaged goods?”
These thoughts can stem from something as simple as the punctuation used in an email or text message. I know it sounds ludicrous, but, if a period is placed where I deem an exclamation point to be necessary, I automatically think something is wrong. I rack my brain for the conversations in the last 24 hours, and try to come up with some reason as to why that period would be the decision made to end that sentence.
And then I shut down.
I mimic that format and pretend everything is fine. “Okay, cool.” I’ll reply, or something of the nature. And then the phone rings, because my circle knows that is not my style. I’m the novel text writer. I use proper format, complete sentences, paragraphs, as if I’m writing a research paper response to every message. They laugh, but, they love me for it. And, that makes me an easy-to-read when it comes to not being “fine.”
I fight great battles with myself when I step into those moments of not really feeling fine. It really is like that old saying of having an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, exchanging whispers in each ear; their words each just pinging relentlessly off each other like a good game of table tennis. And the real frustration sets in when I feel like the devil takes a lead, and I feel defeated, distraught, and miles away from ever feeling fine again.
Of course, the “never feeling fine again” is just me being overly dramatic, letting my emotions run away with my mind for a short time, which is longer than should ever even be allowed. Why? Because as II Corinthians teaches us, we can argue and fight every thought that comes into our mind, and we can lead it away and disregard it if it is not in agreeance with the Word of God.
“[Inasmuch as we] refute arguments and theories and reasoning’s and every proud and lofty thing that sets itself up against the knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the obedience of Christ.” – II Corinthians 10:5
In other words, unless I’m willing to allow myself to be a Rejecter in the biggest relationship of all, the relationship with my Father, then I better step up my game; it’s time to let go of the caboose on what I like to call the “hot mess express,” and move on over to the Jesus Train. Are you with me?
I think it is first important to try and analyze where the “Rejecter Mentality” has stemmed from. And although there is no cookie cutter script to follow when diving into the closet of your brain and pulling out the skeletons, I can bet you all our lists might look a little more similar than we even realize.
It’s time to examine ourselves. Why does that one little period, that one tiny dot at the end of a sentence have the power to drive me mad? How can I allow myself to have a night full of laughs with my girlfriends, or a weekend getaway with family, feeling in those moments completely at ease, content, happy and complete, and yet, that one little dot from those same people can instantly make me feel so insecure, and so replaceable.
“Yet, that one little dot from those same people can instantly make me feel so insecure, and so replaceable.”
It all seems so silly, so minimalistic to the real problems of the world. But, listen to me, it is not. I am such an activist when it comes to feeling emotionally and mentally healthy and stable. I want you to really take your time and think about your Rejecter Mentality.
Next time I will break down the elements of what causes the Rejecter Mentality.
We are conquerors, we are in this together, and we got this!