You Don’t Have To Make Me A Sandwich (But I Still Appreciate You.)

My media intake lately has followed a pattern.   I’ve been viewing, reading, listening to, studying things with a purpose of trying to find something relatable to refuel my spirit, because, frankly, it’s been sucked dry.  One red line away from stopping in the middle of the road because I’ve run out of gas.  So whether my fuel comes from my Bible, podcasts, self-help books, music, or even sometimes, social media, it all follows that same pattern.  

I’ve been taking notes on things as I come across them, and several times I’ve thought, “that’s a good starting point for a blog,” however, I’ve heard the whisper of “Holly, everyone is more than tired of some girl who can’t keep a relationship (whether that’s romantic or friendships honestly) giving them advice on the topic.”    

Well, this morning I read a post on Instagram that I really liked.  I then surfed over to my Facebook and was appalled at the comments I read in regards to the same post.  So, I couldn’t sit silent anymore….and if you’re tired of reading my relationship talks, you can go ahead and stop right here.  😉 

We’ll start with a little excerpt of the post I read this morning: 

“I love to give my wife flowers, for no particular reason….maybe a little too much!!!!  But one of the things I’ve discovered recently is that appreciation is far more valuable than flowers.  While I love to tell my wife how beautiful I think she is…because she is…it is always better for me to tell her how much I appreciate what she does for me, for our family, for our home….every day.”   (Instagram – @isaachanson) 

He also shared another (which I discovered after confirming that we were talking about the same post, with totally different thoughts towards them.)  That post made this statement: 

“Love people, not things, not adoration, not popularity, not social status.” 

There was one more with the same general idea, in relation to his children I believe, but, I think you get the gist.  He always posts things with this same kind of notion.   Part of me thinks (and hopes) he is writing a book and these are all just little bits leading up.  

Anyway, before I get off topic like a small town Pastor telling stories about their childhood (*not that that’s a bad thing*) , let me reel it back in.    

Here is what I read in relation to the above mentioned posts.  I can only share what I quickly got in a screenshot as a notetake, because it appears the intensity of the gross comments already led to deletion. 

Comment: “What he posted last night was not meaning well for anyone unless they support women barefoot in the kitchen making him a sammich– even if they’re miserable about it.”

What?  I’m sorry?  Come again.  

So, APPRECIATING YOUR WIFE is demeaning and old school?  

Listen.  I’m all about gift giving, it’s one of my top love languages.  I’m also all about strong females doing their own thing…the greatest part of this blog is my She Who Dares Project.  I get being independent, doing your own thing.  I don’t know his wife, but I would imagine her to be pretty intelligent, worldly, and comfortable in her own skin.  

One thing I don’t imagine is her being appalled by his appreciation.  

Listen, again, to not seem insensitive or to even begin to make this political, I am open and here for all the strong female leads we are seeing in our world today.  Who run the world….girl, girls! Right?  But that does not take away the need for the way we should be treated in our homes, by our spouses, or boyfriends, or those around us.   

Allowing ourselves to be appreciated and recognized for all of our roles (even when those roles are wife, mother, caretaker…especially so) does not make us the barefoot ladies in the kitchen back in the day before we could be Vice President.  I will not apologize for saying that.  This idea that we cannot be successful and still appreciated and loved and TAKEN CARE OF by our spouse  is sickening to me.  

I’m confused, honestly.  I don’t get it.  

I was watching this video by Mark Groves (Instagram – @createthelove) and a follower had asked this question about how she could move on from the feelings she had developed after casually dating someone for nine months.   First off, I was happy that his initial response was the same as I was thinking, “casually” dating for nine months?!  But, he went on further to say that we seem to live in this society today where we want something so bad that we just “make it work.”  

“I’ll just date enough and then eventually this “casual” relationship will turn into the one I want.” 

Which I read as, and speak from experience in saying, “He’ll eventually APPRECIATE ME. Show up for me, acknowledge me.” 

Mark said, sister, we live in a world in which we “set the accountability so low so we can maintain a connection.” 

It’s not real, you’re not APPRECIATED , you’re not acknowledged…but maybe one day you will be. 


I can’t, people.  I just can’t.  

If appreciation appals us.  God bless, we’re doomed. 

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